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Hard to Love
Kendall Ryan
From the NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author of FILTHY BEAUTIFUL LIESCade's always taken risks…Cade takes cares of his sick younger sister by doing what he does best – cage fighting and starring in adult movies. But when his latest gig finds him admitted to the ER, he can't get the pretty little nurse who treated him out of his head, even though he knows she's so far out of his league it should be illegal.Alexa's always played it safe…Tired of being pigeonholed as the sweet, innocent one, hardworking nursing student Alexa has been looking for ways to break out of her Goody Two-Shoes image. When her friend suggests the outlandish idea of losing her virginity to the sexy and sure-to-be-skilled porn star, Alexa is mortified. Because Lord help her, she might just be falling for a porn star…
Hard to Love
BY KENDALL RYAN
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published by Kendall Ryan Books 2014
First published in Great Britain by Harper 2015
Copyright В© Kendall Ryan 2014
Cover photograph В© Tom Merton / Gallery Stock
Cover layout design В© HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015
Kendall Ryan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9781481042444
Ebook Edition В© April 2015 ISBN: 9780008134037
Version 2015-04-13
Contents
Cover (#u368b0cdd-d8d2-5e0b-bf80-55f228c55204)
Title Page (#u4abdcf15-5e28-551e-a41f-5db06e711c4a)
Copyright (#ua506eb23-00e7-582c-9590-f55f41cd6550)
Chapter 1 (#u05390ad3-c6f8-5e5c-9808-a7bd58114c99)
Chapter 2 (#u82c22511-7e3e-56f8-ab3d-1031eb43c90e)
Chapter 3 (#u5f87e9cd-cda8-564c-8250-c79251a18a50)
Chapter 4 (#u6e170531-1baf-51ff-b01a-5c69b79dbfe3)
Chapter 5 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 6 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)
Read More From Kendall Ryan (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Tell Me Your Favourite Part (#litres_trial_promo)
Connect With Kendall Ryan: (#litres_trial_promo)
Also by Kendall Ryan (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1 (#ua4832c62-98fc-50c9-a4cd-5d8f13eac78a)
Cade
Dammit. I knew a four-hour erection wasn’t normal. I shifted uncomfortably in the cab of my truck and debated what to do. The emergency clinic was open twenty-four hours so that wasn’t the problem. It was embarrassment over my condition that had me stalling in the parking lot. But damn, this thing was fucking painful. I tugged on my jeans, trying to create some room and adjusted my erection yet again.
Fuck it. I was going inside.
I stalked across the dimly lit parking lot, trying to walk as normally as possible, but each step tested my sanity.
When I reached the reception desk, an elderly woman looked up and asked if she could help me with something. I struggled to keep a straight face while I explained my problem. She thrust a clipboard of forms at me with a dour expression, not wanting to hear another word. I headed to the waiting room, holding the clipboard in front of my groin.
To make matters worse, Rick, the director I’d been working with on the set, came barging into the emergency room to join me in the waiting area, saying he wasn’t about to let one of his actors go through this alone. Just fucking great.
Once I turned in the paperwork, I focused on thinking about anything that would tame this monster of a hard-on. The Chicago Bears, how much I hated hospitals —anything non-sexual. Nothing helped. It was full-on throbbing by the time they called me back thirty minutes later.
I had hoped for a male doctor, so we could handle this man-to-man, but as I stepped behind the curtained room and saw a young female nurse waiting for me, all my hopes went up in smoke. Rick followed me inside the small room and positioned himself in the corner to observe. I was convinced he was here for the sole purpose of having a good laugh.
The nurse glanced at me, her eyes widened and her breathing hitched. She looked young, too young to be a nurse, and was pretty in an innocent, sweet way that I didn’t normally go for.
�Hello. Caden Ellis?’ she asked. Her voice was soft and laced with concern.
It took me a second to respond. �Cade.’
�Please have a seat.’ She gestured to the white-paper-covered exam table and began flipping through my chart. �My name’s Alexa. I’m a nursing student and I’ll be assisting the doctor tonight. Do you mind if I ask you a few simple questions before we move on to the hard stuff?’ Her eyes shifted nervously to my lap, and I couldn’t help but grin.
�Sure.’
She nodded astutely. �Fine, then. Let’s begin.’ She sat down on the rolling stool beside me and wheeled herself closer. �Your weight?’
�Two-ten.’
�Height?’
�Six-one.’
She scribbled it down on her file. �And your age?’
�Twenty-two.’
She bit back a smile, though I didn’t really know why.
Her hair was somewhere between blonde and brown, and she had large blue eyes that matched the color of a crystal-clear sky. She was petite yet shapely, nicely filling out her blue hospital scrubs with curves in all the right places. She had a full rosebud mouth and a small upturned nose, and even in her work uniform she looked polished and put together – giving the impression she’d been raised to be poised and proper. A far cry from how I grew up.
She finished the forms and busied herself with the medical equipment to check my vitals. Even though her presence was professional, it did nothing to help weaken my erection. In fact, I think my damn cock became even harder just to taunt me.
She placed a stethoscope over my heart and listened for several moments before jotting down a few notes. I watched her work, a smile tugging on my lips.
�So, Cade.’ She smiled up at me with straight, white teeth while she attached a blood-pressure cuff to my bicep. �What seems to be the problem?’
Fuck. She was going to make me say it. �It’s there…’ I tapped the clipboard she held. �On the forms I filled out in the waiting room…’
She looked down, a frown tugging at her mouth. �Yes. I see that. But if you could just please explain… um, how this happened. Is this the first time, you’ve, um…experienced this?’
�I’ve never taken performance-enhancing drugs before if that’s what you’re asking.’ The words from the overplayed commercial rang through my head. �If you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, seek immediate medical help.’
I tore my eyes from the thin fabric stretched taut across her chest, but not before she caught me looking. She looked down at her chest to see what I was staring at and frowned. She pulled an oversized Q-tip I hadn’t even noticed from the pocket over her breast. �Don’t worry, I won’t be using this on you.’
That wasn’t what had captured my attention, but I was relieved all the same at not being caught ogling her breasts. I felt like a real asshole, sitting here sporting wood and staring at the nurse’s tits. Classy. It was as if my dick thought we were here to pick up a willing participant to ease his discomfort. Sadly, no, little man. I felt his pain. I cleared my throat and looked down.
Alexa worked quickly and methodically, pumping up the arm cuff and pressing her fingers into my wrist to get my pulse while she studied the ticking hands on her wristwatch. I took the opportunity to study her more closely, noticing the way her face held absolute concentration as she worked. She was trying her damnedest not to be distracted by me. It wasn’t the usual effect I had on females.
�So can you tell me more about when this problem began?’ She glanced down at my forms, which I’d deliberately left vague, jotting down only the most critical issues—name, medical insurance, and oh, yeah, a painful erection. I’d been hoping to speak with a male doctor who’d seen this kind of thing before, not an attractive young nurse, dammit.
I hesitated and Rick laughed. �We were beginning our film shoot and my star here got stage fright. I gave him a couple of the little blue pills I keep on hand just in case.’
Her mouth pursed into a pouty frown again as she looked from Rick back to me. I glanced down, motioning to the tense erection straining against my jeans.
�Oh, my.’ Her hand flew to her mouth and she involuntarily took a step back.
Her response was so honest, so damn innocent, I almost chuckled. Almost. But the majority of my blood supply was sitting south at the moment, which delayed any normal responses.
�So, wait…what business are you guys in?’
�Adult entertainment,’ Rick and I answered at the exact same moment.
�You mean…porn?’ Alexa asked.
I winced.
Rick reached across to hand Alexa a business card. �Mrs. X Entertainment,’ he said proudly.
I didn’t explain that it was the romantic, softer stuff, and that the film company had won awards for being female-friendly—the features that had attracted me to working with them in the first place. Because frankly, none of that mattered. It was porn, and that was all she was going to see. She probably figured I was some sort of player or a sex addict. I saw it in her eyes, and there was no use fighting it. It wasn’t like I would ever see this girl again. She would never know about the little girl in my custody, and the mortgage, groceries, and utilities I was responsible for.
After taking a moment to compose herself the nurse jumped into action, grabbing a white paper gown and thrusting it towards me. �Here. Get undressed and put this on so that it opens in the front and I’ll be right back.’ She fled the room without another word.
A few days ago when I’d signed on for the whole adult entertainment thing it’d been easy. I showed up and posed for some modeling photos for the website. Wearing just boxers I lounged on a bed with a beautiful girl named Desiree. They had us pose in various positions that grew increasingly intimate—me licking her neck, her nipples, and then her clit. It wasn’t sexual, like you’d think it would be. We had to hold still and hold each pose for several seconds while the camera clicked away, so it wasn’t like I was actually getting her off. I just sort of held my tongue against her. It was…different. And when they’d asked me to shed the boxers, I wasn’t hard yet. Without a word, Desiree—like the pro she was—reached down and rubbed her long, manicured fingers over my package until I was erect. After that I spent another hour posing with her. Modeling was the easy part. It was the filming that would prove to be difficult.
Three Hours Earlier
Rick sauntered over to give me a pep talk. �You ready for this?’
I took a deep breath and glanced at the staged set—a white leather couch set against floor-to-ceiling windows in the chic loft the studio had rented. It all felt cold and contrived, but what did I expect? It was just sex. I could do this. It was the one thing I knew for sure I was good at. And most importantly, it paid a lot—enough for me to afford Lily’s medical care.
I pictured her sweet face peeking out over the edge of her quilt when I’d tucked her in earlier tonight. I’d told her Becca was going to babysit and she wouldn’t see me until morning. She’d tightened her lips and nodded. She didn’t like the dark, and sometimes even preferred to crawl into my bed at night, but she was putting on her brave face.
�Cade?’ Rick asked, pulling my attention back to him.
�Yeah, I’ll be fine.’
�That’s my boy. Our actress should be here soon. She’s a new girl. You’ll love her. Young, sweet…’ He made a sucking sound with his lips and his eyes got a faraway look to them. I shuddered. Throwing aside the fact that he was an adult-film director, Rick’s demeanor just screamed sleazy.
I was almost starting to regret my decision to work for him, but visions of dollar signs kept floating before my eyes. Rick had seen me in the boxing ring several times over the previous year, and a few months ago had begun approaching me after matches, promising big money if I was ever interested in working for him. At the time, I laughed it off. But the fights brought in less than steady money and as things got worse with Lily I bit the bullet and decided to give it a shot.
The makeup artist approached, thankfully distracting Rick from whatever perverted thoughts were currently running through his head. I removed my robe at her request and she began airbrushing some type of bronzing spray over my shoulders and chest. I didn’t like the smell of it, but I pushed it from my mind and focused on what I had to do.
�So the biggest thing for you to remember is control. No money shots until I say so. So if you need to slow down, or switch positions, just go ahead and do it. As long as you don’t come until I give the signal. We need plenty of shots and positions before that can happen,’ Rick reminded me.
�Got it. Shouldn’t be a problem.’
He laughed. �Confident. I like that.’
Confidence usually wasn’t a problem for me, but I couldn’t deny there was a hint of performance anxiety at the thought of having sex with a girl I’d never met, on camera, in front of a roomful of people—lighting techs, director, film crew, and a few others whose roles I didn’t know. I tried not to focus on all that and instead reminded myself about the money Rick had promised me.
�What about her? Shouldn’t I talk to her first? Find out what she likes, how she gets off?’
Rick laughed, and slapped my shoulder. �Silly boy. This is a porn shoot, not a first date. She’ll fake it, so don’t worry about her having an orgasm. Just focus on you.’
I could only imagine what a conversation like that with a stranger might sound like…. So do you like penetration or clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm? God, was I an idiot or what? I was overthinking this shit.
The front door opened and everyone turned. �And there she is! Beautiful girl…’ Rick headed over to greet the wide-eyed starlet entering the apartment.
I couldn’t help but notice how scared she looked. And young. Holy shit, was this girl even eighteen? I watched as Rick helped her out of her jacket and steered her by the shoulders over to the makeup chair.
When Alexa returned I was seated on the exam table, the paper gown loosely closed around me. Rick hadn’t offered to leave while I changed. He and a whole room full of people had already seen me buck-naked though, so I figured it didn’t matter much at this point. This whole night just needed to fucking end.
Alexa washed her hands and carefully arranged an ice pack over my groin. I shifted and let out a grunt at the surprise of the coldness, and Alexa’s eyes flicked up to mine. �Is it okay?’ she asked, softly.
�Fine,’ I muttered and bit back the string of curse words I wanted to let rip and adjusted the ice pack so it wasn’t sitting directly on my nuts.
Rick leaned against the exam table and chuckled to himself as if he found our interaction amusing. It was clear I was intrigued by her and the way her eyes wandered the room, desperate to look anywhere but directly at me, or rather at my swollen appendage, she was clearly uncomfortable.
�You can see why we hired him, huh, sweetheart?’ Rick grinned proudly and elbowed her softly in the side.
Her cheeks flushed pink and she tucked her chin to her chest.
�Let’s just get on with it,’ I growled. I didn’t care about the exam or being exposed, I just wanted to end her embarrassment as quickly as possible.
I didn’t know why I’d listened to Rick and taken those damn pills. I was attracted to the model he’d hired, that wasn’t the problem. She was very pretty, petite and trim, but she’d looked fucking terrified. I’d tried to make polite conversation before the shoot began, but even small talk was too much for her. She excused herself to the kitchen, where she sat perched on a bar stool, her eyes closed tight, chest rising and falling as she took deep breaths. After she finally talked herself into going through with it, I was so weirded out that I couldn’t even keep my erection up—something that had never been a problem for me before.
I wasn’t about to fuck some girl who was terrified of me. Sorry, not a turn-on. Rick had assumed it was a performance issue, and stupidly I’d accepted the pills from him rather than explaining why I didn’t want to go through with it. Eventually I had to man up and explain the situation to him, but not before the damage was done.
�So, you’re a porn star?’ Alexa asked, her eyes flicking up to mine briefly before darting away again.
She was as nervous as a field mouse in a stampede. �Does that bother you?’ I bluffed. She didn’t need to know that this was my first ever film and I hadn’t even followed through. Besides, she’d already judged me. No sense in trying to defend my honor.
Her eyes met mine again and held. �No.’ Her voice sounded sure, but I couldn’t help noticing the blush creeping up her neck to color her cheeks. I wouldn’t be all that surprised to learn she was a virgin, with how self-conscious and unsure of herself she was. All the more reason to stay the hell away from her.
Watching her work, her small hands moving about to care for me stirred something inside. It’d been a long time since someone had taken care of me.
The doctor strode into the room—male, late-forties, and strait-laced, which put me at ease.
After covering the basics—that I’d taken two of little blue pills even though only one was recommended and yes, I’d been fully erect going on four and half hours now—the doctor, thankfully, got right down to business, opening my robe. The swollen appendage jutted out in front of me, proudly saluting the doctor and Alexa.
�There he is!’ Rick beamed proudly. This dude was twisted. Why the hell was he so interested in my cock? Sure it was above average, I knew that much. After Rick had approached me about starring in one of his movies, I’d looked up the statistics online and measured myself, just out of curiosity. It was much larger than average according to what I’d read online. But still, his interest was creepy. I reminded myself that he dealt with the human body all day long and that he was just thinking about the money I could make him when he looked at it, but that didn’t mean I liked another man eyeing my dick with such enthusiasm.
My eyes flicked up to watch Alexa’s expression. Bad fucking idea. Her mouth had dropped open, and her chest was heaving with shallow breaths. I practically felt her gaze caressing me.
�Is he family?’ the doctor asked, gingerly inspecting me.
�Nope.’
The doctor tipped his head to the door, motioning to Rick. �Would you mind stepping out of the room, sir?’
�Sure thing, Doc.’ Rick nodded. �I’m out of here just as soon as you tell me there’ll be no permanent damage to the money maker.’
The doctor looked up at him, not amused. �He’ll live. Now please go.’
Apparently satisfied by the doctor’s answer, Rick gave me a wink, patted my shoulder and exited the room.
�So how exactly do you treat this?’ I was almost afraid to ask.
Alexa’s eyes shifted to the floor, like she knew I wasn’t going to like the answer. Not good.
�I’m going to give you a dose of medicine—a combination of a steroid and a muscle relaxant to see if that will return things to normal. You’ll take these orally and we’ll wait about thirty minutes. If that doesn’t work, I may have to insert a thin needle into the shaft and extract blood manually.’ The doctor made a few notes in my file and left the room.
I swallowed down a lump in my throat. The fucking pills had to work. I wouldn’t be able to handle him bringing a needle anywhere near my dick without punching the poor guy in the face.
Alexa returned a few minutes later with a tiny plastic cup containing two pills and a cup of water for me. I downed the pills and water in a single gulp. Once again, she arranged the ice pack on my lap, her hand brushing against my dick, which made it jump. I saw her bite her lip to avoid smiling.
�Thanks,’ I muttered, passing the cup back to her.
�You’re welcome. Sit tight and I’ll be back to check your progress in a little while.’
I’d never been so happy to go soft in my entire life, but twenty minutes later my erection slackened and I hopped down from the exam table and began dressing. Just as I was pulling on my jeans, Alexa came back to check on me.
The look of surprise on her face stopped me short.
�I think I’m good to go,’ I explained.
Her eyes travelled down the length of my body, stopping once they reached the no-longer-straining bulge in my jeans. �Oh.’
�Thanks for everything.’ I grabbed my jacket from the chair, and started past her. Her hands darted out and pressed against my chest. �You can’t just leave. Dr. Chancellor wanted to um…talk with you, about your, um, lifestyle. And see if we could offer STD testing.’
I laughed. �Thanks anyway, but I’m good.’ I barely had time to date, let alone have sex, but when I did I always used a condom. Not to mention that Rick insisted I get tested as an agreement to work for him. All I wanted to do now was get home, check on Lily, and forget this whole night ever happened. �Okay. Be safe,’ she said, and stepped out of the way as I fled past her, ready to put the whole experience behind me.
Chapter 2 (#ua4832c62-98fc-50c9-a4cd-5d8f13eac78a)
Alexa
When I woke and fumbled for my cell phone to check the time, I was shocked to discover it was already four in the afternoon. I stretched and flung back my duvet, sighing because despite the late hour, my body was so not ready to leave my heavenly soft pillowtop.
Working the midnight shift was wreaking havoc with my system. Each night I worked the late shift, I woke later and later in the afternoon. At least I had tonight off—it was my twenty-first birthday, and I was going out with friends later. I could only imagine what MacKenzie had planned. That girl, though I considered her my best friend in nursing school, was trouble with a capital T.
I sat down at my vanity and brushed out my hair. The bags under my eyes needed attention too, so I dotted on some eye cream before securing my hair back in a ponytail.
My parents didn’t understand why I worked so hard. Money certainly wasn’t the motivator—my family had more than we’d ever spend in a lifetime—but I wanted something more for myself. Something I was good at and kept me busy. Their only goal for me was to meet a wealthy, well-bred man and become some sort of Stepford Wife, a desire we did not share. A life like that sounded incredibly boring to me. And if my mother’s afternoon combination of happy pills and wine-spritzers were any indication, it was a life spent unfulfilled. No thanks.
Once in the kitchen, I slid a coffee pod into the one-cup maker, the most used appliance in my kitchen since I rarely bothered to cook for one. I couldn’t help but think back to the previous night, or more specifically, about Cade. Well, I was actually thinking of a certain part of his anatomy more than I was anything else, and giggled to myself. I’d seen a lot of strange things working the midnight shift in the emergency room, but that was one of the more memorable.
He was undeniably attractive, and that was even before I saw the python he was packing in his pants. He was tall and ridiculously toned from head to toe, with a rugged face and strong jaw line. His nose had a slight ridge that indicated it had probably been broken at some point, and those rich chocolate eyes of his had been surrounded by thick, dark lashes.
He’d had the strangest effect on me. I’d never been attracted to a patient. Ever. It was my job, and I rarely noticed details about the actual person. That statement sounded harsh, but I saw the people who came in and out of the hospital as clinical objects. I only noticed the details I needed to do my job—like where there best vein line was to start an IV or draw blood, or calculating meds based on weight—standard things like that. But with him, I couldn’t focus on what I needed to. Instead, I noticed how his dark eyes followed my every movement, the thickness of the vein running up the length of his shaft, and the tension in his body at his obvious discomfort. I also noticed the tattoo peeking out from the collar of his T-shirt as if crawling up his neck. I wanted to see the rest of it, even if the mere thought of that made my tummy erupt in nerves. And I knew he could tell how frazzled I was with that annoying amused smirk tugging at his lips.
When the doorbell chimed, I jogged to the intercom panel to buzz in MacKenzie and Tyson. I opened my apartment door and found MacKenzie marching up the stairs, a brown paper sack filled with liquor bottles in one hand and a plastic container in the other. Tyson was carrying a bouquet of pink roses. Tyson was like a brother to me, but I wasn’t sure we were always on the same page.
I’d made Kenzie promise me no big party, just the three of us going out and enjoying a few cocktails, and so far it appeared she’d kept her end of the bargain.
�Our baby girl’s growing up, Ty!’ MacKenzie squealed and pulled me in for a hug. I patted her back and pulled away for some personal space. I wasn’t the best hugger in the world. Tyson laughed and navigated around us, entering my apartment. He knew better than to try and hug me after I went completely stiff in his arms the one and only time he’d attempted it.
�Thanks for the roses,’ I called to his back as he made his way into my kitchen to fetch a vase. He’d spent enough time in my apartment to know where everything was. Heck, I think he knew my apartment better than I did. Once I called him to ask how to clean my hair out of the clogged shower drain and he informed me I had a bottle of drain cleaner under the sink in the kitchen. He was good to me, and so was MacKenzie. She often forced me out of my shell, which, however painful at times, was good for me too.
MacKenzie took over the kitchen island, extracting various bottles of alcohol and mixers from her bag. Ty got the glasses and filled them with ice, while I stood and watched.
�What’s in here?’ I poked at the lid of the shallow plastic pan, expecting it to hold a cake.
�Jell-O shots,’ MacKenzie answered, smiling. �Try one.’
I pulled off the lid and set it aside. The pan was filled with small plastic shot glasses that contained a rainbow of jellied concoctions. They certainly looked inviting. I selected a green one and tipped it up to my mouth, but the gelatinous mass remained firmly planted inside the cup.
MacKenzie laughed and glanced at Tyson. �Teach her how, Ty. I forgot we had a Jell-O-shot virgin on our hands.’ She measured two shots of clear liquor and dumped them over a glass full of ice, mixing the drink like it was second nature.
Ty smiled and rounded the island to stand next to me. �Stick out your tongue.’
I narrowed my eyes at him.
He chuckled. �Just do it.’
I complied and he brought the cup to my mouth, showing me how to swirl my tongue around the edge of it to loosen the Jell-O until it slipped out of the cup and into my mouth.
�Mmm. Green Apple?’ I asked.
Ty wiped away a smear of Jell-O from my bottom lip and licked it from his finger.
MacKenzie nodded. �Yep. And here’s your birthday drink.’
It was pink and bubbly. I took a sip and found it surprisingly refreshing. You could hardly taste the vodka shots I’d seen her dump in. It was grapefruity and delish. �Thanks.’
Once we all had drinks, courtesy of MacKenzie, Ty grabbed the pan of Jell-O shots and we made our way into the living room to sit in the center of my cream-colored shaggy rug.
�We need music.’ MacKenzie opened my laptop and my heart nearly stopped. I leapt from my seat in an effort to stop her from seeing what she was about to see, but I was too late.
�Holy shit!’
My cheeks flamed as I remembered what I’d last used the computer for—I’d typed in the address for the porn website from the business card when I got home and searched until I found Cade’s pictures.
�What is it?’ Ty asked, peeking around MacKenzie’s His face scrunched in disgust. �Gah!’ He jumped back from the computer like he’d just been stung.
�You look at porn, Alexa?’ The surprise in MacKenzie’s voice was unmistakable. �I’m not judging, not at all, proud is more like it—I’m just surprised. You’ve always seemed sort of innocent.’
I swallowed and grabbed the laptop from her lap, pulling it onto my own. �It’s not what you think.’ I opened my music library and started my playlist of indie-rock, then set the computer aside.
MacKenzie laughed, throwing her head back. �Sorry, sweetheart, but that’s gonna require an explanation. I mean, you’ve never taken a Jell-O shot, you were raised by the Waltons, your freaking panty-drawer is organized by color and day of the week. Spill it, babe.’
Tyson glanced up from his drink. �You’ve got day-of-the-week underwear? Oh, I’ve gotta see this.’ He stood and wandered down the hall into my bedroom. MacKenzie and I jumped to our feet to follow.
�Ty!’ I called. �Get out of there!’
He chuckled and pulled open the top drawer of my hand-carved, pale-pink dresser. �Holy shit, you weren’t kidding, Kenz.’ He lifted a pair of white cotton briefs from the top of the pile and held them up to inspect. �Sunday,’ he read the backside, chuckling.
I snatched them from his grasp, tossed them back in the drawer and slammed it shut with my hip. �Enough. Out.’ I shooed them from my bedroom. Yes, I bought the packaged cotton undies. They were comfy. Sue me.
MacKenzie stood her ground, blocking the door to my bedroom. �Only if you tell us the story of you looking at porn. I bet you don’t even own a sex toy do you?’
�I’ll tell you.’ I navigated my way around her out into the hallway. But I was so not answering the sex-toy question. Even if Ty was like a brother to us, he was still male, and I wasn’t about to admit that I had a vibrator tucked in the back of my underwear drawer. God, I would have been mortified if they’d found that.
Once we were seated on the living room rug again I downed a few more Jell-O shots to ease my nerves and pulled a throw pillow into my lap. MacKenzie sat across from me, looking smug, leaning back against the sofa.
�Okay. So last night in the ER…’ I grabbed another shot and slurped down the gelatinous mouthful, needing to fortify myself at the memory of Cade’s erection.
�How big would you say it was?’ MacKenzie asked once I was through my story, leaning forward with eager curiosity.
�Ah hell, I’m getting another drink,’ Ty announced, standing to head into the kitchen.
After considering—and rejecting a nearby candlestick and finding nothing else adequate in my living room to showcase the full length of Cade’s manhood, Kenzie and I made our way into the kitchen, giggling at my idea to retrieve a cucumber from the refrigerator.
I reached into the crisper drawer and modeled the large vegetable in front of my crotch. �This looks about right.’
MacKenzie took my shoulders, turning me from side to side so I could model it at various angles. �Damn. That boy is hung.’
Tyson retreated to the bathroom while MacKenzie and I made our way back into the living room. She hoisted the cucumber proudly over her head, waving it in time with the music, and led the way back to my computer.
MacKenzie settled onto the sofa, the laptop balanced on her knees and I scooted in beside her to…supervise.
�Click here,’ I told her, pointing to the tab labeled Models. The title had seemed a little strange to me, but I supposed that sounded classier than saying porn stars. The pictures were mostly topless girls posing seductively. MacKenzie scrolled past the photos of the girls. Last night I’d thoroughly inspected each image, wondering if Cade had slept with them, and which he preferred best. All of the girls were thin and tanned with large, fake breasts. I didn’t want to, but my mind had inevitably made comparisons to my own body.
I was of average height, average weight. My breasts were decidedly real, they fell several inches when I removed my bra, and I had far too many freckles to be considered sexy. Pretty, maybe, but certainly not on par with the type of women he usually slept with. But all thoughts of insecurity vanished when I’d spotted Cade’s photo.
�That’s him.’ I pointed at the photo.
It said his name was Sebastian, but it was definitely Cade. He was standing near a weight bench, gym shorts loose on his narrow hips to show his cut abs and he was smirking like he knew a secret the rest of us didn’t.
�Damn. He’s fucking hot.’
I giggled. �I know.’
MacKenzie clicked on his photo. Though I had spent time last night poring over each one, I couldn’t help but lean forward to join in her inspection. He had a full page of photos. In many of them he was wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs, and then a few where the boxers had been removed and all of him was proudly on display. The tattoo I’d wondered about was a tribal design that covered his left shoulder and crawled up his chest, ending at his neck.
I blushed at the sight of his fully erect cock and heat crept up my chest until I was rosy and warm. I couldn’t help but reminisce about being near Cade in the semi-private hospital room, where I’d been close enough to feel the heat of his skin and smell of the scent of his musky arousal.
MacKenzie scrolled down to the bio beneath the photos. I’d read it last night, but couldn’t resist reading it again over her shoulder. It said he was their newest model, and worked exclusively for their site. The bio claimed he was extremely professional to work with and always focused on making sure the girls felt comfortable. Outside of work he enjoyed working out and listening to rock music. It sounded like a clichéd line of bull, but that didn’t keep me from grasping at every bit of information I could get.
Tyson appeared from the kitchen, this time with a bottle of beer, and sank down on the chair across the room.
�Ty, you want to see what a real man looks like?’ MacKenzie teased.
I elbowed her side. Tyson was only a few inches taller than me, and had a slight build, but he was cute and I didn’t like her tearing him down. Especially since he regularly caught flack for being one of only a few male nursing students.
�I get to see that every day, babe. I’m good.’ He polished off the rest of his beer.
MacKenzie closed the laptop. �Let’s go out. If I look at any more of these, I’ll bang the first guy I see at the club.’
By the time we arrived, the Jell-O shots had caught up with me. Tyson slipped his arm around my waist and helped me inside. Once we were stationed at the bar, he deposited me safely on a barstool, refused MacKenzie’s request for more shots, and ordered me a beer and a water.
With our drinks in hand, we found a corner booth and slid into the seats.
I slumped back against the seat, resting my head against Ty’s shoulder. �What was in these Jell-O thingies? I feel funny.’
MacKenzie laughed. �Vodka. I thought you knew Jell-O shots had booze in them.’
Ty grasped my chin, turning my face to his. �How many of those did you have, Lex?’
I tried to count and lost track. �Um, ten? Twelve?’
�Shit,’ he said, and took the bottle of beer from my hand, replacing it with the water.
�Damn it, Kenzie. You said you’d watch out for her tonight.’
MacKenzie waved him off. �She’s drunk, not dead, Tyson. Calm down. It’s her twenty-first birthday, and P.S.—you’re not her dad.’ She knocked back a healthy swig of her own drink.
�Don’t fight, you guys. I’m fine.’ I reached out to pat each of them reassuringly but fumbled. �See?’
They both laughed at my lack of coordination.
�Sometimes I forget how sheltered you are, Alexa. I swear you act like you were raised by the Cleavers, with your day-of-the-week cotton underpants and everything.’ she chuckled.
I sat up straighter in my seat. �Just because I’m a virgin to Jell-O shots doesn’t mean anything. Hell, I’m a virgin in every sense—’ I slapped a hand over my mouth. Crap! I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
MacKenzie grabbed my shoulders. �Are you serious right now?’
I nodded, reluctantly. Kenzie’s and Tyson’s faces were both filled with surprise at my revelation. �What? It’s not like I’m proud of it. I don’t want to be this way anymore.’
MacKenzie took my hand. �Babe, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But if you do want to get rid of it—it’s not that difficult to do. Your parents did have the birds and bees talk with you, right?’
I grabbed my beer away from Ty and took a fortifying sip. �I’m not like you. I couldn’t have a one-night stand.’
�Well, don’t come crying to me when you find yourself old and living alone with a bunch of cats.’
I took another pull from my bottle, not about to tell her I’d been thinking about getting a cat lately.
�Leave her alone, Kenzie,’ Tyson said, removing the beer from my grasp yet again. He leaned over to me. �If you want me to help you, just let me know.’
MacKenzie swatted Tyson’s hand away from my thigh. �No, Ty. I get to help pick him out. Sort of a birthday present.’ She smiled.
I rolled my eyes, blowing off their suggestions. I was not picking out a random guy to sleep with on my twenty-first birthday. And I sure as hell wasn’t sleeping with Tyson. Gah! Could you imagine? He’s like a brother to me.
�Oh my God! Alexa, look.’ MacKenzie pointed across the bar. �It’s the guy from the website.’
Chapter 3 (#ua4832c62-98fc-50c9-a4cd-5d8f13eac78a)
Cade
I sat at the bar nursing a beer, lost in my thoughts.
�You want a nipple on that bottle, man? Stop being a little bitch and drink up,’ Ian said, knocking back his own beer in a few swallows.
I shot him a warning look. �Don’t fuck with me tonight, I’m not in the mood.’ I’d been hell-bent on getting drunk tonight, needing a few hours’ peace from the worry that constantly followed me around, but somehow I was failing even at that. �Lily’s latest surgery bill came.’
�Sorry, man.’ Ian tipped his beer, clinking the bottle against mine. �Let me know if I can help.’
I nodded. I’d never ask him for help, and we both knew it, but still, just that he offered meant a lot. Ian and I had been friends since the eighth grade when I moved here to live with my grandparents. He knew all about my sister Lily, and the condition that left her poor little spine and legs tangled and twisted. After my parents’ three-strikes-you’re-out meth bust that landed them both in prison when she was three, and my grandparents each passing within a year after that, I’d had sole custody of her. She was six now and a sassy little thing that didn’t know the meaning of the word disabled. It was one of the many things I loved about that little girl. But her care wasn’t cheap, which left me constantly worrying about money.
Ian, a lifelong martial-arts enthusiast, had introduced me to cage fighting a couple of years ago. It was a perfect fit. The opportunity to earn fast money and take out my pent-up aggression all at once. But it wasn’t enough. And then my latest dumbass venture came along. Rick had approached both Ian and I, but I was the only one hard up enough for cash to consider it. Or the only one dumb enough, take your pick. Ian knew I was working for Rick, but didn’t want any of the details, so of course I hadn’t mentioned my late-night visit to the ER.
After getting the bill for Lily’s latest surgery, I realized it wasn’t just a well-paying job I needed, it was one that came with health insurance, too. But if I could stick it out and film even a couple of videos, I’d have more than enough to pay the bill. Then I could focus on cleaning up my act and getting a real job, for Lily’s sake.
Realizing I was lost in my thoughts again, Ian cleared his throat. �Stop stressing, bro. You get plenty of that during the week. We haven’t been out in God knows how long, and since you have a babysitter for Lil tonight, we need to make good use of this time.’
�Yeah? And how do we do that?’ Hitting the gym for a late workout session, followed by a hot shower and my bed sounded like a perfectly good use of my time. I didn’t even think I was capable of catching a buzz at the moment.
�For starters, we need to make getting some pussy priority number one.’
I shook my head, not about to explain to him that tomorrow I’d be getting plenty of that on set. And with that bill hanging over my head, I sure as shit needed to perform this time.
Ian tipped his head toward a booth across the room. �And I think you’re in luck, bro. Those girls over there are staring at you.’
I turned from the bar, drawing my beer up to my lips as I scanned the room. With a jolt of surprise, I spotted the pretty little nurse from the other night, seated in a booth with a couple of friends.
What the hell?
The other woman at the table waved me over.
�Do you know them?’ he asked.
�Yeah. Sorta.’ I threw a few bills on the counter and told Ian I’d see him later. I sauntered over to where they sat.
�Hey there, sexy,’ Alexa’s friend said, trailing her fingers down my forearm. �Saw your website. That shit was hot.’
My eyes flew to Alexa’s. She’d told her friends about what I did? And what… Googled me? �Alexa?’
She blushed and bit her bottom lip. �Hi Cade.’
She wasn’t even going to deny it? I supposed I had to get used to the fact that pictures of my cock were splashed all over the Internet, and that videos would soon follow. I had a film shoot tomorrow that I had to get through. I’d given Rick a piece of my mind about hiring girls that looked so young, and he promised he’d pair me with Mollie, an experienced pro I was sure to love, if I gave it another shot.
�Have a seat, Cade. Or is it Sebastian?’ Alexa’s friend asked. �I’m MacKenzie by the way, and this is Tyson.’ She motioned to the guy seated with them. He gave me a weak smile, looking just as uncomfortable as I was.
I remained standing. �Call me Cade.’
Alexa’s gaze travelled down the length of my chest and stomach, stopping just below my belt buckle. I couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at my mouth, and she knew she had just been caught. She let out a huff of breath, folded her arms on the table and lay her head down to rest.
�Is she drunk?’ I slid in next to her.
MacKenzie nodded, proudly. �Yep. It’s her twenty-first birthday.’
�Happy birthday.’
Alexa peeked one eye open and looked up at me. �Thanks,’ she grumbled before letting her eyes fall closed again.
�Perfect timing,’ MacKenzie said, leaning forward on her elbows. �We were just discussing Lex’s birthday present.’
Alexa roused from her sleepy state and slapped a hand over MacKenzie’s mouth. �No, Kenz.’
MacKenzie dutifully removed Alexa’s hand and squeezed it, before placing it on the table. �Hush. You should be thanking me right now. You see, Alexa here is a virgin, and what better birthday present than to lose her virginity to someone skilled at giving female pleasure? I mean, you do this for a living.’ She kicked up an eyebrow. �Right?’
I pulled back a swig of my beer. Was she fucking kidding me? �Well, yeah, I might know a thing or two about that…’ I took another mouthful from my bottle to shut myself up. I mean, sure, nobody had ever complained before, but that didn’t mean I was the hotshot porn star they saw on the website. Except they all thought I was. Hell.
Alexa looked up and met my gaze, her eyes wide with curiosity. Christ. She couldn’t look at me like that, or I wasn’t going to be able to hold it together.
Even though I believed it, I had a hard time understanding how she could still be a virgin on her twenty-first birthday. She was beautiful, pure and innocent. Her hair flowed in soft curls over her shoulders, resting just at the top of her full breasts. She was fucking perfection, and she didn’t even know it. Her skin looked so soft, I wanted to reach across the table and stroke my thumb along her cheek just to prove to myself that it couldn’t possibly be as soft as it looked. I settled instead for taking another drink. At this rate, I was going to need another beer really soon.
MacKenzie raised her glass in the air, as if to toast herself. �Best idea ever!’ She signaled the waitress and asked for a round of shots for the table. �Patron okay?’
I nodded my indifference. Mostly I just wanted to know what Alexa was thinking right at that moment and what exactly she had told her friends about me.
The shots arrived and I took the glass from Alexa’s fumbling fingertips. �No more for you, cupcake.’ I downed both my shot and hers, one after the other, the liquor burning on its way down.
She pouted, and took a sip of the water I pushed in front of her. But as we watched each other, her lips parted and her breaths grew faster. She leaned forward in interest, a shaky smile on her lips that grew bolder with each passing second. A bark of laughter from her friend Tyson surprised us all. �Are you fucking kidding me? This guy? No. Alexa, if you’re really going to do this, it should be me. Not some guy you don’t even know, who probably has God-knows-what kind of diseases.’
Alexa swallowed visibly. As insane as this idea was, it was her decision. I forced my mouth shut, and kept my face composed. A low wave of nerves rolling through my stomach told me I wanted this—I wanted her—more than I had any right to.
�Okay,’ she squeaked. �Just let me think.’ She pressed her fingers to her temples.
An unexpected surge of protectiveness sprung up inside me, and I found myself holding my breath.
MacKenzie shook her head. �Lex, please, please, I beg of you, on behalf of women everywhere. Have hot, kinky sex with the porn star. Tyson will always be around.’ She waved in his direction and he narrowed his eyes at her.
One thing was clear as day to me. Tyson had feelings for her. Real feelings. I should probably stop cock-blocking the poor bastard, but the look in Alexa’s eyes told me she didn’t return his feelings. Not one bit. Her eyes wandered down my chest again and she bit her lip. Her cheeks flushed pink. She was growing turned on by just the thought of being with me. Fuck, I was going to get hard right here if she didn’t stop looking at me like that.
Tyson set his drink down. �Come on, Lex, this isn’t you. You play things safe. You’re not going to do…him’ he tipped his head toward me �and we all know it.’
She frowned and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, considering his words. �I’m sick of everyone thinking I’m Miss Goody Two-shoes, with my perfect grades, and days of the week panties. You know what? I have my Wednesdays on today—it’s Saturday—and that’s a pretty sad way of rebelling, huh?’
Days of the week? Damn, picturing her in her panties was doing nothing to tame my overactive libido.
�Well forget that! I’m doing this.’ Alexa straightened her shoulders, which pushed her tits out. That little tank top she was wearing left very little to the imagination. And fuck it to hell, her nipples were hard. That protective surge I’d felt earlier was back, nagging at me more insistently. I would not stand back and let just anyone touch that pretty little pussy of hers. I’d kick Tyson’s ass to keep him away from her if I had to. Which wouldn’t be difficult, considering I was ready to knock his teeth in if he looked at her like that again.
�Lex?’ Tyson asked, his voice soft and pleading.
Alexa’s eyes were back on mine, drinking me in. She just sat there blinking up at me, waiting expectantly. Oh fuck, I was going to hell.
�Fuck it, I’ll do it myself,’ I growled.
Her swift intake of breath at my declaration made the hair on the back of my neck stand. I swallowed roughly. �But not tonight. You’ve had too much to drink.’
Her mouth dropped open in surprise.
�Do you have a pen?’ I motioned to MacKenzie’s giant purse sitting on the table. She jumped into action, rooting around inside and seconds later, thrust a pen toward me. I reached across the table and turned over Alexa’s arm, brushing the soft flesh with my thumb. Her skin was as soft as I’d imagined, and the sensation stopped me in my tracks for a second. �If you still want to tomorrow, and I doubt you will, sweetheart, meet me here.’ I scribbled the address along her inner arm, tossed some bills on the table and left.
Chapter 4 (#ua4832c62-98fc-50c9-a4cd-5d8f13eac78a)
Alexa
�Alexa.’ My mother’s disapproving tone demanded my attention. She tapped a red lacquered nail against the table. �You look a mess. I hope your night out with your friends was worth it.’
I straightened the sundress around my knees, and shifted in my seat. Though my memories of the night before were somewhat foggy, a slow smile crossed my lips. It was everything a twenty-first birthday was supposed to be. And this morning, I’d had the hangover from hell to prove it.
She dug through her purse, offering me a compact. �You need some concealer.’ The only thing my mother criticized more than my poor manners were my looks, and though applying makeup in public would have typically earned me an exasperated sigh, apparently things were dreadful enough that immediate intervention was warranted. That and I guess being tucked back in the tall booth of a dim restaurant wasn’t exactly public.
I took her compact and flipped it open, inspecting my appearance. There were dark circles under my eyes, and my hair hung limply around my face since I hadn’t had time this morning to dry it. I twisted it into a low, loose bun and secured it with a few pins dug from the bottom of my purse. Then I swiped some of the concealer under my eyes until I was satisfied it was the best I could do.
�That’s better,’ my mother said, holding out her hand to retrieve the compact.
We were waiting for my father to arrive, and so far he was an entire seven minutes late. I was sure he’d get an earful about it later. My mother had chosen the restaurant –a high-end steakhouse. I was never much of a meat eater, but she and my dad were on a high-protein diet. I scanned the menu for something that didn’t make me want to hurl. I decided on a Caesar salad with grilled shrimp.
My father arrived, slipping into the booth beside my mother and offering her a chaste peck on the cheek in apology. �Sorry I’m late. Business meeting ran over.’ He reached across the table and gave my hand a squeeze.
I nodded. �It’s okay, Daddy.’
I knew my dad had a stressful job. He was a partner at an accounting firm and worked hard to give me and my mother everything and then some. I couldn’t be mad at him for being a few minutes late to a lunch I didn’t want to be at either.
My stomach was still queasy from last night, and I nibbled on bread and sipped my water while my parents discussed the upgrades they had planned to our vacation home in Aspen. My mind wandered to last night’s events. Oh, all right, directly back to Cade. This morning while I’d stood under the steaming hot spray of the shower, scrubbing his address from my forearm, I couldn’t help but remember his sexy, challenging smile.
Seriously, who in the hell arranges a meeting to lose their virginity? It wasn’t like I was actually going to go through with having sex with a porn star, and a complete stranger at that. God, was that insane or what? I really needed to keep MacKenzie on a tighter leash. This was all her doing. When I remembered the look she gave me when I admitted that I was a virgin, I shuddered. Even Tyson had jumped in, saying he’d be happy to make me a woman himself. Too bad there was zero attraction there. He was a nice guy, and I knew he’d do anything for me—but that? No thanks. It’d be like kissing my brother. Gross.
The look on Cade’s face at hearing Ty step up to the plate was pure anger, and when his eyes flashed to mine they were filled with something else… Longing? No. I couldn’t think about the possibility of desire in Cade’s expression. That had me shuddering for an entirely different reason.
But what was etched most deeply into my memory was the smug look on his face, the certainty that I wouldn’t have the guts to show up today.
That, coupled with my mother’s disapproving glances and not-so-subtle hints about setting me up with Peter Wyndham III were enough to convince me. Even though I’d scrubbed away every trace of his writing from my skin, I remembered the address. 715 Evergreen Terrace.
Not that I was actually going to go. God, could you imagine? Sorry, Mom and Dad, I have to cut this horrendous lunch short to go meet a porn star so I can lose my virginity. Ha! I choked on my water at the absurdity.
The few bites of solid food in my stomach and multiple glasses of iced water had returned me to my former self. I would go to Cade—but only to tell him off. Who the hell did he think he was? Offering his services like it was a total inconvenience for him, but still agreeing to take my virginity? I shuddered. He was about to get an earful.
My parents insisted on dessert, since it was my birthday after all, so I forced down several bites of cheesecake before saying goodbye to my parents. Once they were gone, I made my way to the restroom inside the restaurant and scanned my appearance in the full-length mirror. I adjusted the spaghetti straps of the form-fitting, cream-colored sundress and smoothed the fabric over my hips. Everything about my look, from the coral gloss on my lips to my French-pedicured feet encased in gold designer sandals ensured Cade would understand I was way out of his league. Satisfied I looked as good as I could manage on a hangover I straightened my shoulders and grabbed my handbag. This had nothing to do with seeing Cade again, and everything to do with letting him see what he’d never have.
When I pulled up in front of 715 Evergreen Terrace, I figured there had to be some sort of mistake. He’d probably given me a fake address, since I doubted Cade, the porn-star hottie lived in this suburban, middle-class neighborhood.
I put my car into park and switched off the engine. The house itself was small, but neat and tidy, its white siding freshly painted. A row of trimmed hedges bordered the small yard.
A black pick-up truck was parked in the driveway, but other than that, there was no telling if anyone was home. I checked my appearance in the rearview mirror one last time, took a deep breath and left the safety of my car before I chickened out completely.
I didn’t get very far. A school bus had stopped on the corner, letting off a small army of children. The noisy kids scattered in different directions, parading home along the streets and sidewalks, but my attention was momentarily captured by a bright-eyed little girl, smaller than all the rest, who hobbled her way past me with the help of a tiny walker. She spared me a curious glance, but continued on, her eyes shining with determination.
�Caden!’ she called, struggling to make her legs carry her in the direction of the house, where Cade had appeared on the front lawn. He crossed the last few feet separating them and lifted her easily from the ground, the walker momentarily left aside.
�How was school, baby girl?’ He planted a kiss in her blonde curls before lowering her to the ground.
�It was good. I colored a picture of a butterfly for you today.’
�Yeah? That sounds real nice. Is it in your backpack?’
She nodded, her curls bouncing as she did so. The pink backpack was nearly as big as she was. I thought maybe he’d take the bag from her shoulders, or help her up the ramp that led up to the porch, but he just looked on proudly as her little figure slowly shuffled upward, pushing the walker out in front of her with each step.
The little girl had captured Cade’s complete attention and he’d yet to even notice me.
�Cade?’ My voice sounded shaky and uneven even to my own ears.
He spun around and looked at me, still waiting by my car at the curb. �Alexa?’ Confusion etched into his features, creasing his brow.
Shit. I so should not have come. All my earlier venom about wanting to tell him off had evaporated at watching him with the little girl.
I watched as he connected the dots in his head, and the surprised expression on his face disappeared, a slow smile curving his lips. �So you really want to go through with it, do you?’
And the venom was back. I marched across the yard, stopping just in front of him, and jabbed my finger into his chest. �I’m not here to have sex with you, you sleazebag. You didn’t think I’d show, so I only came here to prove you wrong.’
The front door opened and the little girl peeked out. �Caden?’ Her voice was full of questions and her eyes widened at the sight of me so close to Cade. I dropped my hand from his chest and stepped back. It was hard to be mad at him when such a sweet little girl obviously adored him.
�It’s okay, Lily. Go on back in the house. I’ll be in to help you with your stretches in just a minute.’
She scratched her belly and sighed. �Can you make me a peanut butter and jelly?’
He chuckled. �Sure will. Go turn on your �toons for a minute.’
�M’kay!’ she called happily, closing the door behind her as she disappeared inside.
�Is she…yours?’
He ran a hand across his hair and blew out a frustrated breath. �Lily’s my sister, but I have full custody. I have since she was three.’
�Oh.’ He was raising his little sister? I took a step back at the weight of this new information. The strong bond between them was undeniable. �Is it scoliosis?’ I asked softly.
�Spina bifida,’ he said, his eyes far away.
�Oh,’ I said again. I knew it was a crippling childhood disease that left the spine twisted and often affected the legs, but not much else. �I’m sorry.’
�We manage,’ he bit out.
�I can see that. Look, I’m sorry. Why don’t we just forget I ever came here?’ I wanted to take another step back, to disappear entirely, but I remained where I was, fighting the urge to run.
�Why did you come here?’ His gaze sparked with curiosity, the challenge in his tone unmistakable.
His eyes raked over my skin, and sent a brief chill skittering down my spine. I cursed myself for wearing this damn sundress and for how much skin was showing. My breasts pressed against the thin cotton fabric, reminding me this dress didn’t accommodate for a bra and left me feeling a little too on display. I hated how his mere presence left me off balance and reeling.
�At least a little part of you was curious. You wouldn’t have shown up otherwise.’ He touched my shoulder, his thumb brushing along the exposed flesh next to the strap of my dress.
My eyes shut briefly at the intensity in his caress, and I uselessly opened and closed my mouth, unable to respond. Heck yeah, I was curious. I was curious what his stubble-covered jaw would feel like against my skin and what his full mouth would feel like covering mine.
He dropped his hand, seemingly unaware of the panty-melting effect he was having on me. �Just so you know, I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, or take advantage. I was trying to preserve some of your dignity. Your one friend was practically auctioning you off, and your other friend was ready to whip out his dick and take you right there. You should be thanking me.’
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